As 2012 closes, I find myself saying goodbye to the church I serve. I have been here since 2007 and have experienced ordination, had two children who were baptized here, and took part in ministry opportunities I wasn’t expecting. I walked along side this church during good times and bad, through deaths and births, through disagreements and celebrations.
And now due to budgetary constraints, my time here is ending. But it has been an amazing process of truly listening to and leaning on God. My heart has been broken, my understanding of call turned inside out, yet through all, I have had to trust. I have had to lean on God even when I have felt lost, alone and confused.
This has been an amazing time for my walk with God. It has been a time in which I have had no other choice but to lean on the strength of God, to truly let go and let God. Sometimes we can get so lost in our own ideas of order and understanding of situations, we fight with God for a particular outcome, and through that, we are at odds with God. When we hold on so strongly for what we want, for what we think is right, we aren’t giving ourselves over to God, trusting in God to show us the way, to work in us, to grow us.
I have never felt as protected by God as I do now. When I could finally let go of my pathetic attempt to figure out what was next for me, doors began to open, situations became clearer, and the path before me started to stand out. I have learned more during these past few months about what it truly means to trust in God, to trust that my own knowledge is nothing compared to God, that whatever I think I may know and understand, that I don’t have a clue. I am so thankful for this opportunity to experience God more deeply, to have my sense of call re-established and know that if I can just trust in God, things will work out.
I am excited for where God is leading me next, I am excited for this new chapter in my journey, and I hope the lessons I have learned during this time stick with me. I'm praying I'll be able to stop trying to fix things and sit with God, stop trying to make something happen and instead trust in God, stop focusing on the negative and look towards the blessing of what God might be doing.
I encourage you all to trust in the God who created the heavens and earth, the God who sent his son as a wee babe, the God who loves us even though we are unworthy. For in doing that, we might all relinquish the thought of control we have on our own lives and instead experience the faith filled journey of following God.