Knees locked. Arms crossed. Heart trembling with apprehension. That's the moment when I remember what it's like.
I breathe in deep, a feeble attempt at controlling the anxiety. And I've got it all wrong. That's the moment when I remember what it's like.
I guess it's the song that brought me back. It was the flowing of his arms over a guitar and her voice resounding in perfect harmony. That's the moment when I remember what it's like.
I feel myself lean backwards and almost lose it. I almost let it all go. That's the moment when I remember what it's like.
I remember what it's like to know God. I remember what it means to trust God. I remember what it takes to love God. All while my flesh is raging, my selfishness is rising, about to overcome me.
I can't 'stand', let alone 'with arms high', and definitely not with 'heart abandoned'. I can't talk to God. I can't even look him in the eye...
...but there He is.
He comes at me in a crowd like a whisper. I know it, too.
Everybody keeps saying he's looking for greatness.
There is nothing great about me. I'm weak. I'm a wreck. And I am pissed off at God...
...but there He is.
He tells me I'm ready, but I'm not sure yet.
I know how it ends.
And so I go with Him.
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Have you ever been inhibited from worship by your personal circumstances? How do you choose to love God in spite of that? In retrospect, how did God use it for good?
"I am a no-longer-teenage twenty year old who is studying Youth Ministry and Counseling at Grace College and Theological Seminary. I write to process what I can't figure out, I ride my bike to feel like a butterfly, and I play guitar and sing to express what I can't say. I have a great passion for the poor, lonely, and oppressed. This is currently enunciated through a brand new local homeless ministry led by my best friend and I. In two years, my greatest dream is to move to France with my soonish-to-be husband, Travis. God has laid on my heart a burden for the French. My greatest hope for today is that God will use these words and thoughts to glorify Himself."